I Regret My Abortions

I regret my abortions.

There. I said it.

Not abortion. Abortions.

Four of them.

For many years, I carried that truth quietly. Like so many women, I learned how to keep moving. I built a life. I worked. I smiled. I showed up. I became a mother. I did what needed to be done.

But buried things have a way of surfacing.

If you found this page because you typed “I regret my abortion” into a search bar, I understand why you may be searching in private. Maybe no one knows about your abortion. Maybe everyone thinks you are fine. Maybe it happened last year, ten years ago, or thirty years ago. Maybe you are only now beginning to wonder whether some of the grief, anger, sadness, shame, or numbness you carry is connected to your abortion experience.

I understand.

Because I have been there too.

My abortions did not happen in isolation.

My story included childhood sexual abuse, early exposure to pornography, brokenness, unhealthy relationships, and later, increasing drug and alcohol use. There were wounds in my life long before my abortions, and there were wounds that deepened afterward.

For a long time, I did not have language for abortion grief or understand my need for healing after abortion. I did not wake up every morning consciously thinking, “I regret my abortions.”

Life was more complicated than that.

I learned to survive. I learned to compartmentalize. I learned to push painful things into places where I hoped they would stay.

But unresolved grief does not always disappear simply because years pass.

Sometimes abortion regret looks like sadness. Sometimes it looks like anger. Sometimes it looks like numbness, secrecy, avoidance, or a deep discomfort when abortion is mentioned. Sometimes it surfaces years or even decades later.

And sometimes a woman cannot explain why she is hurting.

She only knows that she is.

For me, shame was powerful. Shame told me to hide. It told me that if people really knew me, they would see me differently. It told me that my past disqualified me.

Perhaps you know that feeling too.

Maybe you have searched:

I regret my abortion.

I’m ashamed of my abortion.

How do I forgive myself after an abortion?

Does God forgive abortion?

Why do I still grieve my abortion years later?

Can I heal after an abortion?

If so, you may have carried this alone for a very long time.

Every woman’s story is different. Maybe you believed abortion was your only option. Maybe you felt pressured. Maybe you were afraid. Maybe you were young. Maybe you were in an abusive relationship. Maybe you freely made the decision and now struggle with the fact that you would choose differently today.

I will not pretend that one explanation fits us all.

But I do know that silence can become a very heavy burden.

My own healing is rooted in Jesus Christ.

For women seeking Christian abortion healing, this can be especially complicated. You may love Jesus and still carry deep shame after abortion. You may sit in church while no one knows your story. You may believe in God’s forgiveness intellectually while struggling to believe that His forgiveness truly applies to you.

I know that tension.

I also know what it is like to wonder whether your past disqualifies you from being used by God.

But the Gospel changed everything for me.

The Bible says:

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
— 1 John 1:9

All unrighteousness.

For years, many women live as though abortion belongs in a special category beyond the reach of the cross.

It does not.

Jesus Christ is not a partial Savior.

At the cross, there is room for truth. There is room for repentance. There is room for grief. There is room for forgiveness. And there is room for healing.

My abortion recovery did not come from pretending my abortions did not matter. My healing came as I learned to bring the truth into the light, grieve honestly, receive God’s forgiveness, and understand more deeply the character of God.

Today, I am the founder of Wild Heart Ministries.

We provide free, faith-centered post-abortion healing retreats for women. Our retreats are rooted in Scripture, confidentiality, compassion, and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I never could have imagined that God would take one of the most painful parts of my story and use it to help me sit beside other women carrying their own abortion grief, regret, anger, secrecy, and shame.

The women who come to us do not all have the same story. Some have carried their abortion for decades. Some thought they had already dealt with it. Some have histories of abuse, addiction, domestic violence, trauma, or profound loss. Some love Jesus deeply but still struggle to believe they are forgiven.

Some are only beginning to acknowledge the words:

“I regret my abortion.”

And some, like me, regret more than one.

I will not rewrite my past.

I will not pretend my abortions did not happen.

I will not tell you that healing means forgetting.

I regret my abortions.

But today, I also know forgiveness.

I know what it means to bring hidden things into the light. I know what it means to grieve. I know what it means to encounter the mercy of Jesus Christ in places I once believed were beyond redemption.

And I know that my past does not get the final word.

Jesus does.

If you are reading this because you regret your abortion, are ashamed of your abortion, or are searching for abortion healing, abortion recovery, or Christian post-abortion support, you do not have to keep carrying this in silence.

Healing after abortion is possible.

And when you are ready, we would be honored to walk with you.